Let’s Talk About Polygamy

Outline

• Introduction
• Polygamy in History and in Contemporary Societies
• Polygamy in Islam
• How Did the Prophet Do it?
• Why Polygamy?
• Can Polygamy Alone Solve the Problem?
• Polygamy and Family Instability
• Great Men in History Who Came Through Polygamy
• When can Polygamy be Practised?
• Who Can Practise Polygamy?
• Who Should Practise Polygamy?
• Can the Poor Go for Polygamy?
• Polygamy or Fornification and Immorality?
• What Can the First Wife Say About it?
• Conclusion

Introduction

Alhamdulillah; all praise and thanks are due to Allah, Who created us from a single soul, and then created its mate from it, and from the two of them spread countless men and women throughout the earth. No god but Allah. We seek His Forgiveness at all times; and to Him alone we repent. May His Peace and Blessings be upon the best person who has ever practised love and shown affection; Habibi Muhammad, His household, his companions and all those who follow his guided path, till the Day of Judgment.

This article, Let's Talk About Polygamy, is one of the few, which I took long time to think about (it’s effect) before jotting my ideas on paper. The topic is simple and clear, yet, it’s one of the most interesting topics, as far as Muslims are concerned. I hope by the time you finish reading this article; I don’t receive a divorce letter from my wife… 🙂 . But don’t worry; my wife is a ‘God-Sent’, Alhamdulilah.

The article does not intend to answer questions raised by non-Muslims regarding polygamy. For if one does not accept a religion, don’t expect him to recognize the practices of the religion, even if he knows well, it’s for good. The article rather addresses the doubts which some of my own Muslim brothers and sisters may have, with regards practising of polygamy.

The article is not addressing our sexual needs as much as it's addressing our sexual needs. To some, the moment polygamy is mentioned; all they think of is fulfilling one's sexual needs. However, fulfilling one's sexual needs, whether they are male or female, contributes significantly in earning the person stability in life, be it physically, psychologically or spiritually. This is because, by nature, human being is created with “pre-installed” sexual desire in him; similarly to his need for air, food and drink.

One can be a (more) productive Muslim when they have stability in their sexual life, among other needs, which has to be attained lawfully. Marriage does, moreover, solve social problems. Such problems are far beyond the need for sex. Such problems include adultery, immorality, crime and many other social problems.

top

Polygamy in History and in Contemporary Societies

Polygamy was known and practised, since the early ages of history, all the way to our current time. Undoubtedly, it’s likely to continue to be practiced till end of time. Prophets and Messengers of God, such as Ibrahim, Dawud, Sulaiman, and Ya’quoub, salla Allah ‘alahim wasallam, noble people and ordinary people practiced polygamy before Islam. Some could marry more than ten wives. It’s therefore understood, that polygamy is a practice that was not initiated by Islam. However, Islam is the first religion to regulate polygamy to better cater the needs of the majority of the human population.

In his article, The Big Question: What's the history of polygamy, and how serious a problem is it in Africa?, published in The Independent, Paul Vallely wrote that, in 1998 the University of Wisconsin surveyed more than a thousand societies. Only 186, of all those who were studied, were monogamous. Some 453 had occasional polygyny and in 588 more it was quite common. He also added that, some anthropologists believe that polygamy has been the norm through human history.

Paul Vallely also added that, in non-Muslim societies, polygamy is very common in the animist and Muslim communities of West Africa. In Senegal, for example, nearly 47 per cent of marriages are said to feature multiple women. It is relatively high still in many Arab nations; among the Bedouin population of Israel it stands at about 30 per cent. According to The Salt Lake Tribune as many as 10,000 Mormon fundamentalists in 2005 lived in polygamous families.

top

Polygamy in Islam

Here, I’m not going to repeat what we all (assumably) know. We know that, the Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, practised poloygamy. We also know that, significant number of the companions of the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, also practised polygamy. Therefore, polygamy is Islamic.

What I want to say (although it’s also known), is that, there are two verses in the Qur’an, which discussed polygamy. Both verses are mentioned in the same Surah, which Surah Al-Nisaa (the Chapter of Women), though they are mentioned in separate locations.

The first verse is 4:3, in which Allah says:

فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ، فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ، ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا

It means, “you may marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you might not be able to treat them with equal fairness, then only one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].”

In the second verse, which is in Surah Al-Nisa, 4: 129, Allah says,

وَلَن تَسْتَطِيعُوا أَن تَعْدِلُوا بَيْنَ النِّسَاءِ وَلَوْ حَرَصْتُمْ، فَلَا تَمِيلُوا كُلَّ الْمَيْلِ فَتَذَرُوهَا كَالْمُعَلَّقَةِ

It means, “You will never be able to treat your wives with equal fairness, however much you may desire to do so, but do not ignore one wife altogether, leaving her suspended [between marriage and divorce].”

When we reflect on the meaning of the first verse, it’s understood that polygamy is permitted with a condition. That condition demands that, a man should be able to practise fairness among his wives, and to be just. Any man who knows of himself, the inability to practise fairness and justice, should stick to one wife.

The other verse, however, emphasizes that no matter how man strives to practise fairness among his wives, he can never achieve that. But it did not bar us from marrying more than one wife. This is because, the last part of the verse does instruct men “not to ignore one wife [out of the multiple wives] altogether, leaving the her suspended.” The point is, although we (have to) strive for perfection in all we do, we are meant for imperfection.

Some people have understood that, although the first verse permits the practice of polygamy, the other prohibits it. And (according to them) since fairness is impossible to be achieved, then polygamy is not permissible. Wait for a moment!

Let’s take a look at how the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, understood, interpreted and lived these two verses in his actions (Sunnah), in the next section.

The first verse permits men to practise polygamy, provided they can provide physical fairness and justice for the wives. Such physical fairness is attainable and comes in the form of distributing provisions, allowances, gifts and spending time with them. Every man should be able to equally offer these, to his wives. If he fears the inability in himself, to do so, it’s better for him to refrain from polygamy.

The other verse, however tells us, that when it comes to the heart feelings, attractions, love, and emotions, it’s impossible (based on Allah’s Wisdom) for human to control them, no matter how much effort we put in (although we are expected to put in the effort), we can’t practise real fairness for our wives.

Example of this is the compassion a parent possesses for his or her children, a teacher tries to maintain for his or her students, or a neighbour reserves for his or her neighbours. Who is the parent, who can claim to have the same amount affection for each of his or her children? Who is the teacher, who can claim, that he or she maintains the same level of love for his or her students, let alone care and attention? Who is the neighbour, who can claim to love all his neighbours equally? It’s (almost) impossible, because that relate to emotions and feelings which are connected to the heart, and the heart is uncontrollable. It reacts according to what the outside world sends to it.

Despite this, a parent must practise equal fairness among his or her children in their upbringing; even in the kisses he or she offers them. A teacher must treat all his students equally. A neighbour must as well, treat all his neighbours equallty. Equal treatment and fair distribution of provisions (which are physical) are likewise required from any husband, towards his wives, if he chooses to practise polygamy.

top

How Did the Prophet Do it?

Our mother, Sayyidatuna Aisha, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, once said, that the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, used to practise fairness and justice among his wives, whenever he distributed provisions among them. He equally distributed them, and raised up his noble hands and prayed to Allah, saying,

اللَّهُمَّ هَذَا قَسَمِي فِيمَا أَمْلِكُ، فَلا تُؤَاخِذْنِي فِيمَا تَمْلِكُ وَلا أَمْلِكُ

It means, “O Allah! This is my distribution in what I can control. Please do not put me to account for what You control, but I do not.”

We can understand that, the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, referred to the first verse, (Al-Nisa, 3:4) when he said, “O Allah! This is my distribution in what I control” while he referred to the second verse when he concluded his supplication, when he said, “Please do not hold me account for what I do not control, but you do.”

top

Why Polygamy?

When we read and live in the light of the Qur’an, we understand that, Allah does not forbid something on His servants, unless its harm is more than its benefits. Wine is a good example, where Allah says , in Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:219:

يَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْخَمْرِ وَالْمَيْسِرِ، قُلْ فِيهِمَا إِثْمٌ كَبِيرٌ وَمَنَافِعُ لِلنَّاسِ، وَإِثْمُهُمَا أَكْبَرُ مِن نَّفْعِهِمَا

It means, “They ask you (Prophet) about wine and gambling. Say, “There is great sin in both, although their sin is greater than their benefit.”

Eventually, despite the few benefits of wine (and gambling), it is forbidden upon you and me to consume (and practise) them. If we assume that, there are some negative effects of practicing polygamy, we have to open our minds to accept the fact that, such harms, should there be any, are lesser than the benefits, which polygamy comes with. Otherwise, Allah would not legalize it.

Also, Allah did not make polygamy permissible until He had developed an instinct in men, I mean all men, which makes every man thinks of more than one woman. Every honest man should be able to tell you this. Ladies, please don’t go and point guns on your husbands to retrieve confession of other women whom they think of. Confession doesn’t come out easily from the head of men. By the way, thinking of more than one woman (at a time) doesn’t make your husband a ‘Play boy’ until he abuses such thoughts.

The contrary of men’s natural thoughts of more than one woman is women’s natural feeling of envy (or jealousy in some cases) for their husbands to think of, or marry another woman. We are talking about natural instincts, which Allah has created in every human being, male and female accordingly. So whoever denies this reality is actually lying to him/herself, before lying to his/her listeners.

This natural instinct, if it’s not entertained righteously, especially for men who can afford to practise polygamy, it backfires. In such situations, we see men going after mistresses unlawfully.

Why polygamy? One of the realities of this life is that, just like women are going to outnumber men in the Hereafter (Jannah I prefer to refer to), they (women) also outnumber them (men) in this life, prior to the Hereafter. Six years of my humble teaching experience, there’s no a single class I taught where women (girls) were more than men (boys). The ratio even reached to 90% against 10% in some cases. Assuming 10% of the population (of a class) is going to marry 10% from the girls, what will happen to the biggest remaining figure, which are all girls?

We all know, that Islam allows Muslim men to marry Muslim women, Christian women or Jewish women, if they fulfill certain requirements. But Muslim women are forbidden from marrying non-Muslim men. Now that the number of females in any Muslim community (as well as in other communities) is more than men, and men can opt to go for non-Muslim (Christian or Jewish) women, the number of bachelor Muslim women will keep growing, until we do something about it, towards our communities.

To verify, I invite you (if you are reading this) to count your family members and see how many women are there, compared to men, and how many are married compared to the singles? Kindly do the same to 3 of your neighbours or relatives. If you live in a village or a small town, you can easily conduct your own small survey to verify.

top

Can Polygamy Alone Solve the Problem?

Does it mean that polygamy can solve the problem of all our unmarried sisters and daughters? The answer is a big “NO. But…”

No. But… Not been able to solve the entire problem shouldn’t shun us away, from trying to solve the part we can.

It's not about making children as much as it is about taking our social responsibility towards each other. There’s no issue to be tackled here, but a problem to solve. We can’t stop procreating women. This is Allah’s decision and we have to cherish it. But we have to pass the test bestowed upon us, through this problem.

When the Muslim community has a problem, our solution to that problem should be an Islamic, beforehand. Only when we (unlikely) have not solution, then we can consider non-Islamic solution, provided:

• The non-Islamic solution is good in itself
• The non-Islamic solution does not contradict with an Islamic principle.
• May I also say that the non-Islamic solution has been and ideal solution to another non-Islamic community before we adopt it. This way, we are not blindly adopting ideas and theories; we're instead adopting something that has been practically proven to be good.

top

Polygamy and Family Instability

Some do argue that polygamy creates conflicts among children as it also breaks the good relationship between the husband and his first wife.

This argument carries some truth, but it shouldn’t be a reason to men of reason, because it can be misleading. Does monogamy guarantee “no conflicts” among children?

History (stories of the Qur’an) tells us, that the elder children of Sayyidina Ya'qoub alahi assalam, tried to get rid of Sayyidina Yousuf alahi assalam, because among other things he was from a different mother than they were.

History (stories of the Qur’an) also tells us, that the two sons of Sayyiduna Adam alaihi assalam, we true brothers, yet one killed the other. Didn't they both come the same womb? Why could he still commit to murder his full brother?

The truth is, evil is part of human nature, with the right spiritual education, he overcomes it (evil), and climbs in high ranks of iman.

Polygamous families may have ‘family problems’, but monogamous families also have similar conflicts (in size) or worse.

I knew of one Muslim scholar, who discouraged his students (followers) from practising polygamy, giving the excuse that, it breaks families. But the ironic part is, his children, who are all from one mother, live a ‘never-ending’ conflicts, to the extent that police had to interfere sometimes.

On the other hand, I know polygamous families, where strangers find it difficult to tell, who the children belong to, among the wives. Meaning, the children treat all their mothers (and stepmothers) with same level of respect.

So, it goes back to the kind of objectives we establish for our families. The type tarbiyah we implement in our houses also play important role, in the upbringing of our children.

top

Great Men in History Who Came Through Polygamy

By now, you have guessed at least one person, if you’ve read the section above this.

Sayyiduna Ismail was born as a result of polygamy. So was Sayyiduna Yusuf. Both families had challenges as a result of the polygamy, but every wise person, especially Muslims, knows the long-term fruit of such polygamy.

Mankind is excited and proud of Sayyidina Muhammad. Sayyidina Muhammad was from the offspring of Sayyidan Ismail.

What does this mean? It means second wives (likewise third and fourth wives) may carry in their wombs outstanding icons, who will bring positive change to history. Remember? Sayyiduna Muhammad come through the offspring of Sayyidina Ismail, a son of a second wife. Sayyiduna Yusuf, another son of a second wife ruled Egypt and took it out great financial recession.

Today, I have great friends and colleagues, who are greatly contributing to the Muslim communities. They could have not seen light if their fathers were pressurized not go for polygamy, when they could afford.

top

When can Polygamy be Practised?

Some Muslim writers address this topic with lots of ‘philosophy” and “beating around the bush”. They claim that polygamy should be practiced only when there are less number of women, especially when a society has gone through war, to the extent that, they associate it to the time, in which the verse (which permitted polygamy) was revealed. Some also encourage it, only when one’s wife is permanently sick or unable to conceive.

Let’s look at a Qur’anic verse, in Surah Al-Maidah, 5:6:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِذَا قُمْتُمْ إِلَى الصَّلَاةِ فَاغْسِلُوا وُجُوهَكُمْ وَأَيْدِيَكُمْ إِلَى الْمَرَافِقِ وَامْسَحُوا بِرُءُوسِكُمْ وَأَرْجُلَكُمْ إِلَى الْكَعْبَيْنِ، وَإِن كُنتُمْ جُنُبًا فَاطَّهَّرُوا، وَإِن كُنتُم مَّرْضَىٰ أَوْ عَلَىٰ سَفَرٍ أَوْ جَاءَ أَحَدٌ مِّنكُم مِّنَ الْغَائِطِ أَوْ لَامَسْتُمُ النِّسَاءَ فَلَمْ تَجِدُوا مَاءً فَتَيَمَّمُوا

It mean, “O you who have believed, when you rise to pray, wash your faces and your hands up to the elbows and wipe your heads and [wash] your feet up to the ankles. If you are in a state of impurity (Janabah), take a full bath (Ghusl). But if you are sick or on a journey or when you have just relieved yourselves, or you have contacted women, and you can find no water, then perform Tayammum…”

According to the verse above, purity should be observed, but different ways are given, and they are to be followed according to the situation one finds him/herself in.

However, in the verse, we are told when to perform wudhu, when to perform spiritual bath (Ghusl), and when to perform tayammum. Obviously, one is done only if the other is absent.

If we look at the verse, which permits polygamy, we don’t see any option given, as no specific ‘time-condition’ is indicated, except that one should be able to practise fairness among his wives. It says:

فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ، فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ، ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا

It means, “you may marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you might not be able to treat them with equal fairness, then only one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].”

How then, do war situation, wife’s sickness and inability to conceive comes in? Practising polygamy has nothing to do political or economical condition of countries, unless the number of men equals or exceeds the number of women, and that is not going to happen.

top

Who Can Practise Polygamy?

Polygamy should not be looked at as a platform to fulfilling one’s sexual desire. It should rather be looked at, as a platform to maintain and enhance the modesty of our Muslim community. Every Muslim is responsible on the well being of the Muslim community according to their position and capacity. When we talk about social work and community service, we don’t expect everyone to fall in, but only those who can afford to do so. Doing must come after one has successfully fulfilled his other essential duties.

This means, polygamy being regulated and made permissible to Muslim men to practise doesn’t mean every “Tom, Dick and Harry” (among Muslims) can do it. The one who can’t manage himself may not be able to manage one person (wife) on top of himself. In other words, the one who is unable to take care of one wife may not be able to take care of two, let alone three or four. The one who can’t provide shelter for himself and one wife, should not think of second wife or more.

In short, the one can practice polygamy is:

• The one who can practise fairness and justice between or among his wives, if he practises it. This fairness is with regards to providing them with shelter, provisions, and taking care of their social and emotional needs. The verse has already made it clear;

فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ، فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ، ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا

It means, “you may marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you might not be able to treat them with equal fairness, then only one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].”

• The one who can financially afford to take care of the financial needs of himself and his wives if start to practice polygamy. Polygamy comes with more burden and responsibility. If you used to think of one wife and one child, you have to start thinking of two wives and two kids or more. And you should be able to provide their needs accordingly.

Rasulullah s.a.w. advised Muslim singles who are unable to afford costs of marriage to fast. He said in a Hadeeth narrated by Ibn Mas’oud and authenticated by Imam(s) Al-Bukhari and Muslim:

يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ البَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ

It means, “O young men, whoever amongst you is (physically and financially) able should get into marriage; it helps best to lowering the gaze and guarding chastity. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield for him.”

The point here is, bachelors are advised by the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alahi wassalam, to get married; only if they can financially afford to do so, what more about the one who is already married, doesn’t have financial ability, and yet thinking of a second wife?

top

Who Should Practise Polygamy?

This section is totally different from the section above. It may also sound strange to you; that’s why you skipped to here immediately. But please read it with open mindedness.

Practicing polygamy remains optional, and it’s up the individual to decide. The one who fulfills all the requirements and yet decides not to do so, no one should force them into it. Just like no one should stop those who can afford to do so.

However, I believe in the concept, which encourages eligible individuals in the Muslim communities to consider polygamy. They are:

• The married man, whose wife is unable to conceive or is sick. Procreating is one of the essential objectives of marriage. A sick wife may not afford to fulfill the sexual needs of her husband.
• The intellectually bright and the genius, who are financially fit and can practise fairness and justice. This is to help produce more young genius and bright offspring from them. The Muslim communities need more genius, and unfortunately, our bright ones seldomly consider polygamy. The thing is, whether you do it or not, others (lesser intelligent) will do it. If you are bright, and have fulfilled the above (basic) requirements, you should consider polygamy. The bright and genius I’m talking about is not referring to being educated. Not all educated are bright or smart, and not all illiterates lack intelligence. If one is educated and are coincidently bright, that’ll be the best.
• The righteous rich among amongst us, who can practise minimum fairness. This will help to accommodate many needy women as possible, and create shelters for them. And this will cut down the number of our rich who are engaged with mistresses behind the scenes. Once again, the rich I’m referring to, here, are the righteous. I’m not talking about Hollywood celebrities, soccer stars, musicians and their likes.

All the conditions mentioned comes after the person ensures he is Allah-Conscious, in a way, that will guide him to treat his wives according to the teachings of The Prophet Muhammad, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wassam.

top

Can the Poor Go for Polygamy?

Yes. But…

Women outnumbering men has resulted, that more women are educated than ever. Most educated women, today, are out there working and are financially independent. Anyone, male or female, who achieves this in life, looks for means to satisfy their sexual desire, which is human nature, given by Allah.

A poor man who a ‘financially independent woman’ with piety and good attitude, asks for, for marriage should pray his Istikharah, and consider the polygamy. This way, he will prevent that (self-sufficient) woman from committing acts that may invite the wrath of Allah on her, which may impact on the community.

A poor man who is approached by a ‘self-sufficient’ lady for marriage, and has accepted has to ensure that he follows the guidance of the Prophet, in which he advised that we go for a woman with piety. A woman with piety can have, in addition to that, beauty, noble ranking family or wealth (financial independence). Click here to read about all that.

top

Polygamy or Fornification and Immorality?

We all agree that, polygamy is an option that Allah Himself has privileged upon male servants of His. He (s.w.t.) has also used it to lessen some social problems, which our Muslim sisters and daughters face. Therefore, there’s no room for anyone to deny anyone that right, if they fulfill its requirements accordingly and choose to opt for it. But, it’s important that we remember; it remains optional and not obligatory, as far Islam is concerned.

Unfortunately, many women find it difficult to accept marriage as second wives or third wives, due to cultural pressure and fear of peer pressure, although they are desperate in need of marriage. At the same time, they can allow themselves, to unlawfully date married men, who can be two times their ages, in many cases.

يَسْتَخْفُونَ مِنَ النَّاسِ وَلَا يَسْتَخْفُونَ مِنَ اللَّـهِ وَهُوَ مَعَهُمْ إِذْ يُبَيِّتُونَ مَا لَا يَرْضَىٰ مِنَ الْقَوْلِ، وَكَانَ اللَّـهُ بِمَا يَعْمَلُونَ مُحِيطًا

It means, “They feel ashamed before men but do not feel ashamed before Allah, despite His being present with them when they plot at night, uttering things of which He does not approve; and indeed God is fully aware of what they do.” [Surah Al-Nisa, 4:108].

وَتَخْشَى النَّاسَ وَاللَّـهُ أَحَقُّ أَن تَخْشَاهُ

It means, “You were afraid of people, whereas it would have been more proper to fear Allah.” [Surah Al-Ahzab, 33:37]

If we reject polygamy which is a legal and permissible thing to do, islamically, I’m afraid we are putting our hands in fire, when we allow our sisters and daughters to unlawfully date married (or unmarried) men and end up in adultery may have bad impact on societies in addition to exposing them to Allah’s Wrath.

top

What Can the First Wife Say About it?

It’s moral for any man who is planning for polygamy to inform his first wife, in a respectful way. In a way, that will not offend her. If she agrees, that will be kind of her to do so. If she doesn’t, that should be expected. Natural instincts prevail!

It’s unfortunate; that some women set conditions for their husbands, before their legal marriage, that they (the men) should not go for polygamy after marrying them. They say, “you are blind when you are in love”. Due to that, some men blindly accept such conditions, only to regret for been foolish, after marriage.

A believing woman should not set a condition that contradicts with an option which Allah has given to the man, just because she wants the husband for herself alone. Likewise, a believing man should not go blind and accept a condition, which ties him up, with regarding to situations where Allah Himself has given him multiple choices.

It’s understood that, envy (or jealousy in cases) can be strong in women than it is in men. But it’s also understood that iman (belief) in women in stronger than it is in men.

Jealousy is a sickness, and every sickness has medication. Its medication is strong iman in Allah, that, your provision will not be taken away by anybody. Somebody’s provision will never come to you, no matter what. So let your iman prevail.

‘Already married’ women whose husbands decide to practise polygamy should not create chaos, to fulfill their ego. Don’t ask for divorce, because that can never be a wise solution. Think of the day you will be desperately praying for husbands for your daughters. You are going to wish them get married by all means, even if they are going to be second wives, third wives or fourth wives. It’s tested and proven.

If you allow (accept the fact) your husband to practice polygamy, you will be in the position of Sayyidatuna Khadijah or Sayyidatuna Saudah. If you accept to be second, third or fourth wife, you be in the position of Sayyidatuna Aisha, or Ummu Salamah, or Zainab, or the other wives of the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam. Either you are a first wife or a second, third or fourth wife, just take one of the wives of the Prophet as your role model, and your life will be easy, in shaa Allah.

Jealousy and ego are characters that exist on in this life. So as, to test us. In the Hereafter, jealousy (and evil thoughts) will not exist. Greed will vanish. So will selfishness. A woman will share one husband with other women and she won't mind. This is what the Que'an has clearly said. Believing in what comes in the Qur’an is essential in Islam.

top

Conclusion

This article did not address an opinion; whether polygamy is good and should exist or not. Polygamy being good is unquestionable. That’s why Allah allowed it. The article rather discussed who is the suitable person to go for polygamy, and when should they consider it.

The opinion that polygamy may solve the problem of many bachelor Muslim sisters and daughters may be seen as one of the possible solutions. I invite Muslim intellects and thinkers to suggest possible alternative practical solutions, should they find polygamy inappropriate for the problem.

Polygamy is a social project, which should be practised by people with greater objectives, to contribute to the Ummah. Fulfilling sexual desires occupies only small percentage in marriage life. Thus, only responsible men are expected to go for polygamy.

One should not go for polygamy because everyone is doing it. One should also not go for polygamy to show off; his financial ability or physical strength. One should consider it, only when they have holistic objective and righteous mission to achieve from polygamy. The Prophet s.a.w. said in a Hadeeth reported by Imam Al-Tirmizhi:

لا تَكُونُوا إِمَّعَةً؛ تَقُولُونَ: إِنْ أَحْسَنَ النَّاسُ أَحْسَنَّا، وَإِنْ ظَلَمُوا ظَلَمْنَا. وَلَكِنْ وَطِّنُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ؛ إِنْ أَحْسَنَ النَّاسُ أَنْ تُحْسِنُوا، وَإِنْ أَسَاءُوا فَلا تَظْلِمُوا

It means, “Don’t be a blind followers, who say, “If people do good, we too would do good. And if they oppress, we too would oppress.” Instead, free your selves; when people do good, so should you, and when they do bad, you should avoid their bad deeds.”

My next article will study The Prophet, The Husband. So before you go for your polygamy, make sure you learn to be a husband like the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam.

If you find this article useful, kindly join me in spreading the Al-Kalimah Al-Tayyibah with your loved ones. How? Simply hit on the LIKE and the SHARE buttons below. Remember that, LIKING and SHARING this article is a social work and community service. Remember to make that intention (Allah’s sake) before sharing and liking.

Remember to leave your comments before your sign out.

Allah knows best.
Allahu Hafiz 🙂

top