Outline
- Introduction
- Jealousy is a Two-Way Disease
- Causes of Jealousy
- Effects of Jealousy
- How to Stop Being Jealous
- What If You're Falsely Accused of Jealousy?
- How Sayyidunā Ādam Survived the Wrath of Allah
- Conclusion
Introduction
Alhamdulillah… Infinite praise and thanks are due to the Almighty Allah, who has bestowed upon us countless blessings. Complete blessings and salutations go to our master of all times, Sayyidinā Muhammad, his household, his companions, and all those who follow his guided path till the end of time.
Can you remember some moments when you expressed about ‘mixed feelings?’ Perhaps, you were happy and sad at the same time. Isn’t it? People express this by saying they had ‘mixed feelings.’ But the truth is, I am not convinced about the existence of mixed feelings between happiness and sorrow. It’s either you are happy or the otherwise. Simply because they are opposites.
The same is true when we talk about jealousy and contentment. Contentment does not and should not negate striving for better and the best. Moreover, your heart stays free from jealousy when you attain it. In fact, when you give contentment a smaller space in the heart, you knowingly or unknowingly provide the remaining bigger room to jealousy to hatch and grow.
This article presents some suggestions that can help you to combat jealousy and develop contentment afterwards, inshā Allah. It focuses on getting rid of jealousy, for it’s easier to develop contentment once you’re able to overcome its negator.
Jealousy is a Two-Way Disease
Jealousy is a two-way disease. As we transmit it to others, we also receive it from others. Either way, Islam does teach us how to handle both situations.
The Qur’an teaches us to seek refuge in Allah from the evil of a jealous person when he’s been jealous. This is found in Sūrah al-Falaq. Likewise seeking refuge from jealousy, Islam also emphasizes to us, not to be jealous.
Rasūlullāh ṣallā Allāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam says in a ḥadīth reported by Imām al-Bukhārī and Muslim from the narration of Sayyidinā Anas ibn Mālik raḍiya Allāhu ‘anhu:
لا تَبَاغَضُوا، ولا تَـحَاسَدُوا وَلا تَدَابَرُوا، ولا تَقَاطَعُوا، وَكُونُوا عِبَادَ اللهِ إِخْوَانًا، وَلا يَـحِلُّ لِـمُسْلِمٍ أَنْ يَهْجُرَ أَخَاهُ فَوْقَ ثَلاثٍ.ـ
“Do not harbour grudge against one another, nor jealousy, nor enmity; and do not show your backs to one another; and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim to avoid speaking with his brother beyond three days.”
It’s undeniable that we all take possible precautions against the evil of jealousy that comes from others. However, the extent of the precautions we take to not be jealous of others is unknown.
I’m certain, that you can’t seek refuge from the jealousy of others effectively, if you yourself are jealous of others. It’s like throwing stones at others while safeguarding yourself from stones thrown at you by others. You can only safeguard yourself from the stones of others after you’ve stopped throwing yours at others.
Now, let’s look at what could possibly cause jealousy.
Causes of Jealousy
Jealousy emerges when you strongly want someone else's position, advantages or possessions. Either by failing to acknowledge and appreciate your own position, advantages and possessions, or by just not being happy to see him having those blessings. Pay attention to “want.” There’s a difference between wanting to have similar or alike and wanting it for yourself or wanting the person to lose his blessing even if you don’t attain it.
Thus, you develop jealousy when you start to feel that someone is ‘better than you, for something he possesses.’ You also develop jealousy when you start comparing your possessions with others’.
It’s important to emphasize, that we become very close to, or fall in jealousy, when we compare Allah's bestowals upon us with that of others. This is whether we realize it or not. And whether the effect takes place instantly or not.
This comparison can be a comparison of one’ self with others (others can be your parent, sibling, child, friend, teacher, or your co-worker), a comparison of our children with others', a comparison of our academic success with others', a comparison of our intellectual capacity with others', a comparison of our relationships with others', and the list goes on.
It's not wrong to learn from others' achievements and success. In fact, it’s important to seek inspirations from others. However, it's wrong to compare theirs with ours. If you do, you will start asking the ‘why’ question. And that’s a question you can’t find an answer for.
When our father Adam, ‘alayhi al-salām, was first created, he had no problem nor enmity with anyone at that time. Not even with Satan himself. It was only when Allah commanded the Angels and other creatures present at that time to prostrate in respect for Adam, that jealousy surfaced. Perhaps, for the first time!
Satan felt undermined (because he compared, and hence, felt that someone had been made better than him). Apparently, He felt unsecured. He felt weak before Adam alayhi al-salām. To demonstrate otherwise and to prove his ‘self-worth' he refused to prostrate for Adam. Fast forward, hatred emerged, and the rest of the story between Satan on one side and Adam and his children on the other side is known.
Similarly, majority of those who belied the prophethood of Sayyidunā Muhammad –especially from his relatives– didn't do so as a result of ignorance. They were convinced –more than anyone else– by Sayyidunā Muhammad’s truthfulness. However, they did so as a result of jealousy which grew to hatred and deteriorated to arrogance. Eventually, they reached to the extent of plotting an assassination against him. Unfortunately for them, that failed. But they didn’t give up. They resulted to direct confrontation and war with him.
Therefore, it was no longer surprising to see both Abu Lahab and Abu Jahl (don’t confuse between the duo 🙂) to had taken the lead in mongering hatred against Islam and the Final Prophet of Islam, Sayyidunā Muhammad, ṣallā Allāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Simply because they felt undermined, unsecured, and inferior to the truth he had brought forth to them.
If jealousy can be easily caused by the wrong emotions (wanting other’s blessings), what are the effects that result from it?
Effects of Jealousy
It all begins with an emotion. That’s all it takes, and the endless fire is lit. The effects are overwhelming. The following are some of them.
Jealousy Makes You Lose Your Iman
Jealousy is a negative spirit. It negates with īmān in the heart of the Muslim. This is understood from the ḥadīth of Sayyidunā Abū Hurayrah raḍiya Allāhu ‘anhu as reported by Imām al-Nasā’ī, that “…and two will never be gathered in the heart of a slave: faith and jealousy.”
Jealousy Makes You Lose Your Contentment
When you are jealous, you lose contentment. In other words, wherever there's jealousy, contentment fades out or disappears. Likewise, wherever contentment is activated, jealousy gets eradicated. And when you lose contentment, you start losing your self-esteem.
Jealousy Makes You Lose Your Self-Esteem
When you're jealous, you feel inferior to anyone, whom you perceive to be better than you, or possesses something you are desperate about. This could be love, wealth, children, knowledge, appearance and etc. The moment you feel unsecured, and sometimes incomplete, you will start having self-esteem conflict.
When that happens, you feel weak, and underprivileged. That's when you start to develop hatred. Once hatred is developed, you can't blame it on the devil when he inspires you to lie, cheat, steal, or even kill. All that so to elude you to feel better.
Jealousy Separates You from Your Loved Ones
Once you develop jealousy towards someone, it’s a matter of time, and he will turn into your enemy. The person may never understand the change in your behaviour towards him. But he will lose you (or you will lose him) for good. This person can be anyone, starting from your closest to the farthest.
Jealousy Makes You Consistently Unhappy
Jealousy makes a jealous person consistently unhappy. How can he be happy or taste happiness when he doesn’t appreciate his blessings? How can he be happy when he lacks self-esteem? And how can he be happy when he spends most of his time thinking about others other than himself?
Jealousy Creates an Evil Society
When the majority of people in a society are jealous of one another, you can rest assured that such a society is full of evil. Everyone will be plotting against the other. And this makes the market of sorcerers and fortune-tellers to surge.
What If You're Falsely Accused of Jealousy?
You can notice, as you read this piece, that I never mentioned a third party. It's all ‘you' (the reader of the article, the writer included…) that I've constantly focused on.
When it comes to solving the world’s problem, you have to do it selfishly.
In other words, when there's a problem, someone must take the initiative to correct it and get it fixed. Why don't we take the initiative, instead of waiting for others to take the initiative?
You’ll be surprised to know that, just like we are waiting for others to take the initiative, they, too, may have been waiting for us to take the initiative. In the end, no one does anything at all.
The point is, it will be good if everyone will come together to get a problem fixed. But when no one is doing anything, we should be doing something. As we do, we shouldn't think we're doing them a favour. Instead, we're doing ourselves a big favour.
The same thing applies to thinking about what others think of us. It doesn't matter what others might be thinking about you. All that matters is that you think of what you're supposed to do right. For, it matters what you do and what you don't.
Thus, let’s imagine someone accuses you of jealousy towards him or someone else. The immediate reaction we usually show is anger, and possibly get into denying the accusation and defending ourselves. But the best way we are supposed to react is to:
- pause for a while,
- take a deep breath,
- reflect, and then
- ask ourselves honestly.
Ask yourself and find an honest answer from yourself; whether you are jealous or not. The answer could be positive as well as negative. If it is positive, that means you are jealous. That’s not the end of the world. Reflect and think of how to overcome that weakness and be a better and a happier person.
If the answer is, however, negative, that means you were wrongly accused. Take it as a compliment. Move on. Don’t take the trouble to justify or explain. Those who are not willing to understand you will never understand you. No matter how best you explain.
How to Stop Being Jealous
Man is created with some sets of built-in qualities. Good and bad ones. He’s then given the opportunity to nurture these qualities to his needs. Thus, if he chooses to lead a good and noble life in this first part of life, he will be able to work on nurturing the good qualities, so they suppress the bad ones.
If on the other hand, he chooses to lead an evil life in this first part of life, then you can see that he neglects nurturing his built-in good qualities, and that allows the built-in bad qualities in him to take bigger space in his heart.
If you are looking to overcome your jealousy, then here are four suggestions for you:
#1: Minimize Your Heart Attachment to Worldly Matters and Affairs
As long as you live in this world as if it is your permanent destination, you’ll be attached to its materials. This will definitely make you feel bad when others attain what you strive to get but continue to fail in achieving it.
This part of life is nothing but a transit point for the believer and the disbeliever. Make use of worldly materials as tools that enhances the clarity of your views and smoothens your journey to the final destination of life.
#2: Purify Your Heart
In other words, constantly check on your intention and sincerity.
It’s that simple. Make sure you have Allah as your Ultimate One, from whom you seek pleasure, acceptance and approval. This necessitates that you get your concept of tawḥīd straight and pure.
Thus, everything you do in life should return back to the concept of the tawḥīd in your heart.
With that, your gains are by the will of Allah, and your losses are by the decree of Allah.
#3: Pray for Anyone Whom You Think Has Been Blessed with a Bestowal
The bounties of Allah belong to Him. And He bestows them upon whomsoever He wills. Just like He bestowed upon you countless favours which others around you don’t have, you should appreciate the fact that others are also entitled for what you wish you have, but they are not bestowed with.
Therefore, when you come across anyone with a blessing, a gift from the Creator, pray that Allah blesses it for him. And stop there.
Next, go and do what is beneficial for you.
#4: Put in the Effort to Attain Allah’s Bounties
No one will take what belongs to you, as long as you have put in the effort going for it. Moreover, unless you choose to do it the evil (ḥarām) way, you won’t get more than what is decreed for you. But you have to go for it. And appreciate His bounties and decree.
How Sayyidunā Ādam Survived the Wrath of Allah
Sayyidunā Adam’s experience remains essential for us to learn from. It’s important to learn from how he survived the wrath of God and managed to return back to His acceptance.
Simply put; Sayyidunā Ādam survived Allah’s wrath by appreciating whatever bestowals He had bestowed upon him. By being contented with His provisions.
Unlike Satan, Sayyidunā Ādam ‘alayhi al-salām did not compare himself with the Angels, like Satan compared himself with Adam. If Adam didn't compare himself with the Angels, he needed not to do so with Satan or the jinkind. And this saved him a big deal of falling in the trap of jealousy.
Conclusion
Jealousy is built-in in every son of Ādam. Part of your challenges in this life is to combat it. And you have to succeed in doing so.
Remember; jealousy was the first sin to be committed in the skies. That was when Satan refused to prostrate for Ādam, ‘alayhi al-salām. The first sin to be committed on earth was also jealousy; and that caused one of the two sons of Ādam to kill the other.
With that, we know where a moment of negative emotion has led Satan to. We also know what it had led the son of Ādam to do to his brother. If it has happened to Satan and the son of Ādam, it will happen to you and me, if choose to not do anything about it.
May Allah help us and grant us the strength and determination we need to combat jealousy in our hearts and lead a happy life forever. Amīn!
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Allah knows best.
Allahu Hafiz 🙂
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