The Prophet, The Husband

Outline

Introduction

Alhamdulillah; all praise and thanks are due to Allah, Who has created for us, from among ourselves spouses, so that we might find tranquillity in each other, and Who has created between us (and our spouses) affection and kindness. No god but Allah. We seek His Forgiveness at all times; and to Him alone we repent. May His Peace and Blessings be upon the best person who has ever practised love and shown affection; Habibi Muhammad, His household, his companions and all those who follow his guided path, till the Day of Judgement.

In my previous article, ‘Let’s Talk About Polygamy’ (click here read it), we discussed polygamy in the possible broader perspective, in a way that will provide answers to my Muslim brothers and sisters, who may have questions and doubts, regarding the practising of polygamy. Prior to that article was ‘How to Start an Everlasting Love for Marriage, the Prophet’s Way’ (click here to read it). In that article, we discussed how to start and establish a love that can lead to an eternal marriage; the Prophet’s way, in the hope that, in achieving that successfully, we’ll be able to establish true Muslim families in our respective homes.

In this article, as promised, I’m obliged to inviting you, to a spiritually virtual tour, in which we will be advantaged and honoured to take a close look at the Prophet salla Allah ‘alaihi wasallam, as a husband. In doing so, we seek the opportunity to learn how to present ourselves as husbands, in the light of the life of the ‘Prophet Muhammad, salla Allahu  a’laihi wasallam, (click here to read about him) .

Although the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, was a Prophet, he was also a human being, who lived a life, which was standard to the level that any Muslim can comfortably practise and replicate. He did not live a luxurious lifestyle, neither did he live the lifestyle of beggar. He lived the moderate life, which could be/can be lived by any ordinary individual, regardless of their lifestyle or class.

How husbandly was the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam?

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The Prophet, the Proudly Lovely Husband

No husband, especially the newly married, who doesn’t love his wife.  But not all men can freely declare their love for their wives publicly. This is true among the Gen-X, especially those who live in the Middle East and Africa. The contribution factor to this phenomenon refers back to culture. I can’t remember a single time, in which I heard my father saying “I love you” to my mother. I’ve never also heard my mum doing the same to my dad. But, I certainly, have no doubt about how much dearly each one of them (my parents) loves each other.

However, 1400 years ago, when people hardly used roses and flowers to express their love for their spouses, the Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, was known to be someone who never failed to make known, how much he loved his wives.

Imam Muslim reported a Hadeeth, in which Sayyidatuna Aishah radhiya Allah ‘anha, said, that the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, said about Sayyidatina Khadijah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha:

إِنِّي رُزِقْتُ حُبَّهَا

It means, “I have been given her love.”

This mean, in other words, “I love her, dearly”. This was even after the passing on, of Sayyidatina Khadijah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, for a long time.

As a result of that true love, which he (the Prophet) maintained for Sayyidatina Khadijah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, the Prophet mentioned her in several occasions, after her passing. In addition to that, he would also remember her and mention her with kind words, anytime he met or saw her friends.

To take that to a higher level, the Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, when he slaughtered a sheep, he would ask for some of the meat to be sent to Sayyidatina Khadijah’s friends.

In a different instance, Imam(s) Al-Bukhari and Muslim, reported that:

أَنَّ عَمْرَو بْنِ العَاصِ سَأَلَ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: أيُّ النَّاسِ أَحَبُّ إِلَيْكَ يَا رَسُولَ الله؟ قَالَ: عَائِشَةُ. قَالَ: فَمِنَ الرِّجَالِ؟ قَالَ: أَبُوهَا

It means, “‘Amr Ibn Al-Aas, radhiya Allahu ‘anhu, asked the Prophet: “Who is the most beloved person to you, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Aishah!” The companion then asked: And then who? He said: Her Father!”

Let's ponder on the Hadeeth. Rasulullah salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, did not only proudly declare his love for Sayyidatuna Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, in his response to the first question from when he said: “Aishah!” He also included her (Aishah!) when he mentioned the second most beloved person to him. He said: “Her father!” He could have said, “Abu Bakr!”

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The Prophet, the Romantic Husband

The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, was a romantic husband, indeed. Many Muslims find it difficult to digest the word “romance”. This is because we are educated (wrongly) to think that romance can only be practised unlawfully, not knowing that the nature of romance is that it’s natural, and was meant to be practised righteously.

To the Prophet, every moment in the marriage life is, or can be seized to practise romance. Below are examples of how the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, practised romance, as a lawful husband.

His wives groomed him, their own way

When it comes to grooming one’s spouse, or helping them to groom themselves, the Prophet’s wives showed their affection to the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, when they groomed him, each in their own way.

This is what can be understood from the saying of Sayyidatina Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, which was authenticated by Imam Muslim:

لَيُدْخِلُ عَلَىَّ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ رَأْسَهُ وَهُوَ فِي المَسْجِدِ فَأُرَجِّلُهُ

It means, “The Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wasallam, sometimes, put his head in to my place and I combed his hair, while he’s was still in the mosque.”

Note that, the Sayyidah Aishah’s house (room) was attached to the mosque. In fact, it has later been blended into the mosque (of Madinah) during the expansion exercise.

Romance

It’s sad, to see that, Muslim married couples find “romance” only in the Western productions. What saddens more is our lack of knowledge regarding our own religion, and as a result, it’s hidden from us, the lots of knowledge the Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wasallam, has left for his Ummah, even when it comes to romance.

The key symbol of romance is kissing. Since we kiss the people we love; we kiss our children, we kiss our parents, and hug our friends (from the same gender). Certainly, we kiss our spouses, as well. All that is to show affection towards them. Look at what Sayyidatuna Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, have said, in the Hadeeth authenticated by Imam Muslim:

كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُقَبِّلُ وَهُوَ صَائِمٌ

It means, “The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, used to kiss (his wives) while he was fasting.”

This being said, it has to be done righteously, the Prophet’s way. It’s obviously not acceptable for couples to practise kissing (romance) in public, even if they are lawfully married. It has to be private, since it provokes others’ feelings.

Outings with his wife at night

One of the things the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, did as a husband, was to take his wife out, have a walk, chit-chat and the bonding creating gets better. Most men are guilty of this, today, especially when they are tied to “work commitments”, among other excuses.

The Prophet, however, took it as part of the things married couples should consider, and it’s the husband’s responsibility to ensure that, it’s achieved accordingly. It’s narrated in a Hadeeth, reported by Imam Al-Bukhari:

كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذَا كَانَ بِاللَّيْلِ سَارَ مَعَ عَائِشَةَ يَتَحَدَّثُ

It means, “The Messenger, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, used to go walking with Aishah, at night while talking with each other.”

He shared the same bowl and glass with his wife

It may sound familiar, to some of us, to share the same dish with our spouses, during meals. Indeed, the Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wasallam, also did it, but in a unique way. In addition to sharing the glass and the bowl, they shared the same drinking point and the same biting point. This is exactly what Sayyidatuna Aisha, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, said in a Hadeeth narrated by Imam Muslim:

كُنْتُ أَشْرَبُ فَأُنَاوِلُهُ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، فَيَضَعُ فَاهُ عَلَى مَوْضِعِ فِيَّ، وَأَتَعَرَّقُ العَرَقَ فَيَضَعُ فاَهُ عَلَى مَوْضِعِ فِيَّ

It means, “I would drink, then hand the vessel to the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, and he would put his mouth where mine had been and drink. And I would eat the meat from a bone and he would put his mouth where mine had been.”

It’s also narrated in a Hadeeth authenticated by Imam Al-Bukhari, that the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, said:

إِنَّكَ لَنْ تُنْفِقَ نَفَقَةً إِلا أُجِرْتَ عَلَيْهَا، حَتَّى اللُّقْمَةَ تَرْفَعُهَا إِلَى فِي امْرَأَتِكَ

It means, “You won’t spend anything, unless you are rewarded for it, even the morsel you lift up to your wife’s mouth.”

He gave her attention when she needed it

Most married couples will agree that, they are romantic and helpful towards their spouses before marriage, more than they are after the marriage. A character (if I can call it so) that is supposed to be the opposite. The more you stay with a person, the more love you develop for them, and hence, the more you entertain their needs.

Before marriage, partners, especially men, would do whatever possible to see happiness in the face their other potential halves. But once they secure the person, they start to take them for granted. And you know what happens when someone takes you for granted!

As for the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, he equally treated his wife righteously, with her emotional needs in mind, before and after marriage. This is what is clearly understood from the story of Sayyidatina Safiyyah Bint Huyay, radhiya Allahu ‘anha.

According to her, the Prophet was once on a journey. In his company, in that journey, among his wives, was she (Sayyidah Safiyyah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha). During the journey, her camel knelt down as it was the weakest among all the other camels. So she started to weep. The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, came to her and wiped away her tears with his cloth and hands. The more he asked her not to weep, the more she went on weeping. What a romantic moment!

If the Prophet was (like) one of us, Sayyidah Safiyyah, would have got a “good scold” of her life, for weeping, “for no reason”.

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The Prophet, the Humorous Husband

Human being is, naturally, a species with a sense of humor. Thus, the more he makes others happy, the more he gains and develops happiness for himself. The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, too had fun and made his spouses happy through humour. Remember? He was a human being, who lived the life of human beings!

He had an ‘amazing race' with his wife

Rasulullah had an “amazing race” with his wife on several occasions. He allowed her to win in many occasions, and he won in other occasions. The idea was to create bonding while having fun.

It's reported by Imam(s) Ahmad, Abu Dawud and Al-Nasaai, that Sayyidatuna Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, said:

كَانَتْ مَعَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فِي سَفَرٍ. قَالَتْ: فَسَابَقْتُهُ فَسَبَقْتُهُ عَلَى رِجْلِي، فَلَمَّا حَمَلْتُ اللَّحْمَ سَابَقْتُهُ فَسَبَقَنِي. فَقَالَ: هَذِهِ بِتِلْكَ السَّبْقَةِ

It mean, “Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, went on a journey with the Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam. She said, I challenged him to a race and won. Later, when I had gained weight, I raced him again, but this time he won, and he said, “Tit-for-Tat”.

Today, racing with one's wife is one of the outdoor activities that can create bonding between couples. Jogging, cycling, and going to the beach together, are among other activities, that can be achieved together.

He created fun and jokes out of his wives' quarrel

The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, turned a quarrel situation among his wives into a funny and happy bonding moments.

Sayyidatuna ‘Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, said in a Hadeeth that was reported by Imam Al-Nasaai:

زَارَتْنَا سَوْدَةُ يَوْمًا، فَجَلَسَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ بَيْنِي وَبَيْنَهَا؛ إِحْدَى رِجْلَيْهِ فِي حِجْرِي، وَالأُخْرَى فِي حِجْرِهَا. فَعَمِلْتُ لَهَا حَرِيرَةً، فَقُلْتُ: كُلِى! فَأَبَتْ. فَقُلْتُ: لِتَأْكُلِي، أَوْ لأَلْطَخَنَّ وَجْهَكِ. فَأَبَتْ، فَأَخَذْتُ مِنَ القَصْعَةِ شَيْئاً فَلَطَخْتُ بِهِ وَجْهَهَا. فَرَفَعَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ، صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ رِجْلَهُ مِنْ حِجْرِهَا لِتَسْتَقِيدَ مِنِّى. فَأَخَذَتْ مِنَ القَصْعَةِ شَيْئاً فَلَطَخَتْ بِهِ وَجْهِي؛ وَرَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَضْحَكُ

It means, “Once, Sawdah visited us and the Prophet sat down, between her and me, with one of his legs on my lap, and the other on her lap. I made then Hareerah (a type of food) and asked her to “Eat!” She refused. I said: “If you don’t eat I will paint your face with it (the food),” but she insisted not to eat. I took (some of the Hareerah) from the bowl, and painted her face. Seeing that, the Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, lifted his leg on her, so she could take revenge on me. She took some (of the Hareerah) from the bowl, and painted my face; and the Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, was laughing.”

Upon looking at the Hadeeth above, we see how the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘Alaihi wasallam, had managed to please both wives in the incident, without making any of them felt down, or proud over the other.

What could has happened, if he did not lift his leg on Sayyidah Sawdah, so she could also paint Sayyidah Aishah’s face? We also have to remember that, Sayyidah Sawdah and Sayyidah Aishah have always maintained good ties.

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The Prophet, the Supportive Husband

He was helpful to his wives.

One of the most known character of the Prophet; the Husband, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, is that, he assisted his wives, in the housework. This is in addition to his engagement in serving the public, and spreading the Word of Allah; Islam.

It’s narrated in a Hadeeth by Sayyidatina Aisha, radhiya Allah ‘anha, that Rasulullah, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, used to patch his sandals, sew his garment and conduct himself at home, just like anyone of us may do in our houses. He also loused up garment, as he also milked his sheep.

Al-Aswad, radhiya Allahu ‘anhu, said in a Hadeeth reported by Imam Al-Bukhari:

سُئِلَتْ عَائِشَةُ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا: مَا كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَصْنَعُ فِي بَيْتِهِ؟ قَالَتْ: كَانَ فِي مِهْنَةِ أَهْلِهِ

It means, “Aishah radhiya Allahu ‘anha, was asked, “What did the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, use to do at home. She replied, “He used to keep himself busy serving his family.”

Serving one’s family ranges from helping them to cook, or in doing the laundry, fixing the broken windows, replacing the malfunctioning bulbs and many more.

This being said, it doesn’t mean that, the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasalla,  did the housework, while his wives relaxed, taking him for granted. It only means, he came in to help, when he had the leisure time, or when his help was needed.

What supports this is that, the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, had a servant, and most of his wives had maids, too.

He read Spiritual healing (Ruqyah) for his wife when she fell sick

One of the major things the Prophet, the husband and the family man, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, did was to take care and show concern, whenever any of his wives fell sick or went into bad mood.

He would ask about their health and perform (recite) for them spiritual healing, which is known in Arabic as “Ruqyah”.

Sayyidatuna Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, said in a Hadeeth reported by Imam Muslim:

كَانَ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذَا مَرِضَ أَحَدٌ مِنْ أَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ، نَفَثَ عَلَيْهِ بِالمُعَوِّذَاتِ

It means, “The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, used to recite the last three chapters of the Qur'an, also known as The Three Quls (read about their effects here), over any of his family members who became ill.”

Contemporarily, one of the treatments a husband can offer to his wife, in addition to the above is ‘massage’. We hear of wives massaging their husbands, but not many husbands do the same for their wives. Perhaps they only massage them, when they know that, that’s the only way they can attain sex on that day. My God!

If one's wife, falls sick, permanently (i.e. disability, may Allah forbid), following the footsteps of the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, with pride, a husband should make himself available to attend to the needs of his wife, including cleaning her, if her situation requires that.

He was a teacher to his wives

Performing Ruqyah, for one’s wife is already considered as teaching the person how to perform it (Ruqyah), on others.

Precisely, when the Prophet fell sick, before his departure from this world, his wives used to recite the Ruqyah, for him, just like they learnt it from him, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam.

In addition to that, there are many incidents, in which the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, taught his wives how to perform certain ibadahs.

Imam Muslim reported, that the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, once came home after Subh prayers to find his wife, Sayyidatuna Juwairiyyah Bint Al-Harith, whom he left before Subh prayers doing Zikr, still in Zikr, after the sun had risen. He said, “Are you still in the same position as I left you.” She replied in the affirmative. Rasulullah, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam then said, “I recited four phrases, three times after I had left you. If these are to be weighed against all you have recited since morning, these will be heavier. They are:

سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ وَبِحَمْدِهِ، عَدَدَ خَلْقِهِ، وَرِضَا نَفْسِهِ، وَزِنَةَ عَرْشِهِ، وَمِدَادَ كَلِمَاتِهِ

(Subhan-Allah Wa-bihamdihi, ‘adada khalqihi, wa-rida-a nafsihi, wa-zinatah ‘arshihi, wa-midada kalimatihi)

It means, “Allah is free from imperfection and I begin with His praise, as many times as the number of His creatures, in accordance with His Good Pleasure, as heavy as His Mighty Throne, equal to the ink that may be used in recording the words (for His Praise).”

Here, the Prophet had taught us through his wife, the best supplications to be recited in the morning. No doubt, the Prophet knew, that a time will come that people will have no time to sit from Subh prayers till sunrise, just for Zikr.

Imam Ahmad reported, that one night, the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, went out in the company of Sayyidatina Aisha, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, he suddenly held her hand and pointed to the moon and said:

يَا عَائِشَةُ اسْتَعِيذِي بِاللَّهِ مِنْ شَرِّ هَذَا، فَإِنَّ هَذَا هُوَ الغَاسِقُ إِذَا وَقَبَ

It means, “O Aishah! Seek refuge in Allah from the evil of this, for thstyle=”font-family: ‘Traditional Arabic';”

He was updated regarding his wives' well being, on daily basis!

We all know that, the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, practised polygamy. However, he was the fairest man who ever practised polygamy. There wasn't telephones at that time, which he could have used to contact his wives and ask about their well being. He toured to them, one by one, on daily basis, to say “Hi” (Salam) to them and to know about their well being.

Sayyiduna Anas, radhiya Allahu ‘anhu, said in a Hadeeth reported by Imam Al-Bukhari:

كَانَ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَدُورُ عَلَى نِسَائِهِ فِي السَّاعَةِ الوَاحِدَةِ مِنَ اللَّيْلِ وَالنَّهَارِ

It means, “The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, used to look in, on his wives for a period of time, day and night.”

Today, even with the ease access to communication facilities, i.e. telephone, mobile phone and internet, some husbands, who practise polygamy do not know the well being of their wives. The worst, is when one is married to only one wife, share the same house, the same room, and the same bed, and end up, not knowing of the well being of his wife. May Allah forbid!

Nothing replaces physical interaction and face-to-face communication. Couples should not allow technology to take away their bonding, which is a natural gift from Allah, subhanahu wata’aalaa.

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The Prophet, the Respectful Husband

He maintained respected for Sayyidah Khadijah, even after her death

After Sayyidah Khadijah had passed away for long, her friends used to pay visit to Rasulillah, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam. Any time they came for visit, he would receive them with respect, as if Sayyidah Khadijah herself was still alive. This is to show dedication and commitment of how much respect he possessed for each of his wives.

You won’t respect your partner’s friends, if you have no respect for your partner, him/herself. Would you?

He consulted his wife

Usually, we consult our friends regarding very important issues or projects, which we are thinking of, or are about to implement, whether we are clear about what to do or not. In fact, the best friend one can have is a good and reliable wife. We know that, selecting a good wife is the ticket to a happy marriage life (click here to learn how to select a good wife).

Imam Al-Bukhari related that, during the ‘Treaty of “Hudaybiyah”, when the Muslims became angry and disappointed, due to the fact that they could not make the pilgrimage that year. They wanted to reject the treaty, and continue on to Makkah, and face the possible consequences. But Rasulullah ordered them to slaughter their sacrificial animals (Udhiyah) and take off their pilgrim attire. Some Companions hesitated, hoping that he would change his mind. He repeated his order, but they continued to hesitate. They did not oppose him; rather, they still hoped he might change his mind, for they had set out with the intention of pilgrimage and did not want to stop half way.

Noticing this reluctance, the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, returned to his tent and asked Ummu Salamah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, his wife, who was accompanying him at that time, what she thought of the situation.

She said, “Yaa Rasulallah! Don't repeat your order. They may resist and thereby perish. Slaughter your sacrificial animal and change out of your pilgrim attire. They will obey you, willingly or not, when they see that your order is final.”

The Prophet, immediately, took a knife in his hand, went outside, and began to slaughter his sheep. The Companions began to do the same, for now it was clear that his order would not be changed.

Certainly, Rasulullah, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, didn’t need to consult anyone for advice, due to the fact that, he was directed by divine revelation. Yet, he did consult his wives, as well as his companions. I believe, he did consult, in order to teach us, his beloved Ummah, that being a leader, be it at home, in an organization or in a government institution, doesn’t mean your own ideas or opinions are the right, and should be the right, at all time.

Also, the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, encouraged us through his enlightening example to behave kindly with women.

He refused to be invited without his wife

Another instance, in which the Prophet displayed perfect respect for his wife was, when a Persian neighbour of his, who was good at cooking, came to him inviting him to a dinner. When the Persian came, the Prophet was in the company of Sayyidatina Aishah, so he asked him (poing to Aishah), “what about this (my wife)? The Persian said: No. The Prophet declined the invitation.

The Persian came again (another time) to invite him, also to find him in the company of Sayyidah Aishah. The Prophet asked again, whether Aishah is included in the invitation or not? The Persian replied with negative. The Prophet declined the offer, again.

The Persian came again (for the third time) inviting the Prophet to a meal. Also to find Sayyidah Aishah. The Prophet asked again, whether he can bring along Sayyidah Aishah. This time, the Persian responded in the affirmative. Then the Prophet and his wife competed one another to go to the Persian’s house.

In this Hadeeth, among many lessons, we understand, that if you invite someone to a dinner at your house, it will be wise (not compulsory) to include his spouse in the invitation. It’s however his choice to accept or reject the invitation, if his spouse is excluded.

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The Prophet, the Faithful Husband

The Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, was undoubtedly a faithful husband to his wives. This was clearly observed when he, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, didn’t hesitate, to defend one of his wives whom was mocked by another wife in his presence. That character was also observed in one of the most difficult situations a husband could encounter with regards to his family dignity.

The common sense of his faithfulness towards his wives is that, he took one of his wives with him, anytime he went out on voyage. This is what Imam(s) Al-Bukhari and Muslim reported:

كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذَا أَرَادَ سَفَراً أَقْرَعَ بَيْنَ نِسَائِهِ، فَأَيَّتُهُنَّ خَرَجَ سَهْمُهَا خَرَجَ بِـَها

It means, “When the Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, intended to go on a journey, he used to draw lots amongst his wives, and the one whose name drew would go with him.”

By practicing that, the Prophet had practiced faithfulness, in addition to fairness. And in doing that, he had secured the needs of his human desire. Anyone of us who does this grants himself, in shaa Allah, protection from having mistress, while away from home.

Ummul-Mumineen, Khadijah, Radhiya Allahu ‘Anha

Sayyidatuna Aisha displayed envy (which is natural among co-wives) against Sayyidatuna Khadijah radhiya Allahu ‘anha, because Rasulullah had mentioned Sayyidah Khadijah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, very often.

Sayyidatuna Aisha, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, herself, said in a Hadeeth reported by Imam Ahmad, that the Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, used talk about Khadijah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, with the highest praise, anytime he mentioned her. She (Aishah) said: One day envy overtook me, so I said: Why do you constantly remember an old woman (with a toothless mouth) of red gums, whom Allah has granted you a woman better than her. The Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, responded immediately, in defense for the late Khadijah; his first love:

مَا أَبْدَلَنِي اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ خَيْراً مِنْهَا، قَدْ آمَنَتْ بِي إِذْ كَفَرَ بِي النَّاسُ، وَصَدَّقَتْنِي إِذْ كَذَّبَنِي النَّاسُ، وَوَاسَتْنِي بِمَالِهَا إِذْ حَرَمَنِي النَّاسُ، وَرَزَقَنِي اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ وَلَداً إِذْ حَرَمَنِي أَوْلادَ النِّسَاءِ

It means, “I have not yet found a better wife than her. She had faith in me when everyone denied me. She accepted that I was truly a Prophet and a Messenger of Allah, when people rejected that. She spent all her wealth on me, at the time people persecuted me. And it is through her that Allah blessed me with children, when I was denied children from other women!”

The point is, once you have been with your wife, once upon a time, in history, and something separates you, for good or for bad, you should remain faithful to the kindness that brought you together, and that, which has given you common happiness.

The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, could have accepted the fact Sayyidatuna Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, was trying to make; that Sayyidatuna Khadijah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, was an old lady. But his integrity did not allow him; he had to mention the qualities which Khadijah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, possessed, which none of his other wives possessed.

Ummul-Mumineen, Safiyyah, Radhiya Allahu ‘Anha

Sayyidah Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, once came to the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, and spoke about Sayyidah Safiyyah. She however signaled with her hands and gave verbal impression, which belittled Sayyidah Safiyyah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha. The Prophet got angry and said, immediately, what was reported by Imam Ahmad and Abu Dawud:

لَقَدْ قُلْتِ كَلِمَةً لَوْ مُزِجَتْ بِمَاءِ الْبَحْرِ لَمَزَجَتْه

It means, “You’ve said a word, which if it was to be dipped in an ocean, it would have polluted it.”

Sayyidatuna Safiyyah Again!

Sayyidatuna Safiyyah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, was a Jew, before her Islam. Once, she was disheartened when this fact was mentioned to her, sarcastically, by Sayyidah Aishah and Hafsah, radhiya Allahu ‘anhuma. She mentioned that, to the Prophet, expressing her sadness. He comforted her saying, “If they repeat it, tell them, “My father is Prophet Harun. My uncle is Prophet Musa. And my husband is, as you see, Prophet Muhammad, the Chosen One. What do you have more than me to be proud of?'

Ummul-Mumineen, Aishah, Radhiya Allahu ‘Anha

There's nothing which can be extremely hurting, than accusing one's wife for adultery. An incident which had happened, and gave the weak-hearted and the hypocrites in Madinah the courage to slander Sayyidatuna Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha. The mastermind of this was Abdullah Ibn Ubay Ibn Saloul, the leader of the hypocrites in Madinah, at that time.

Although Sayyidatuna Aishah was innocent, she couldn't prove her innocence, a stance that even made the issue more complicated. Sayyidatuna Aishah, became the “hot topic” in Madinah.

The Prophet, salla Allahu alaihi wasallam, couldn't do anything, since he couldn't take action nor, utter words without revelation being descended to him.

However, while waiting for a divine revelation, he went up the Minbar, and said (in defense of Sayyidah Aisha, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, and asked to be excused, should he take any action against those who hurt him and his family. The head of hypocrites Abdullah Ibn Ubayy was meant in these words. He said:

يَا مَعْشَرَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ مَنْ يَعْذِرُنِي مِنْ رَجُلٍ قَدْ بَلَغَنِي عَنْهُ أَذَاهُ فِي أَهْلِي وَاللَّهِ مَا عَلِمْتُ عَلَى أَهْلِي إِلَّا خَيْرًا

It means, “Oh gathering of believers! Who will excuse me from a person who has hurt me even with regards to my wife? By Allah, I only know good about my wife.”

It didn't take long after that, until revelation was descended to decide the innocence of Sayyidatina Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha. Allah said in Surah Al-Nour, 24:11:

إِنَّ الَّذِينَ جَاءُوا بِالْإِفْكِ عُصْبَةٌ مِّنكُمْ، لَا تَحْسَبُوهُ شَرًّا لَّكُم، بَلْ هُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ، لِكُلِّ امْرِئٍ مِّنْهُم مَّا اكْتَسَبَ مِنَ الْإِثْمِ، وَالَّذِي تَوَلَّىٰ كِبْرَهُ مِنْهُمْ لَهُ عَذَابٌ عَظِيمٌ

It means, “Those who brought up that slander were a band from among you. Do not regard it as a misfortune, for it is good for you. Every one of them shall be held to account for the sin he has committed; and he who took the greater part in it shall have a terrible punishment.”

The Prophet's actions and ways in defending his wives, even from one another, and from offences from the hypocrites teaches us, that a husband is responsible in defending his wife's honour and dignity, even from his own parents and siblings.

If you can’t stand righteously by her side, don’t bring her to be humiliated by people she could have never known, if not because of you.

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The Prophet, the Fair Husband

Our mother, Sayyidatuna Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, once said, that the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, used to practise fairness and justice among his wives, whenever he distributed provisions among them. He would equally distribute them, and raise up his noble hands and pray to Allah, saying,

اللَّهُمَّ هَذَا قَسَمِي فِيمَا أَمْلِكُ، فَلا تُؤَاخِذْنِي فِيمَا تَمْلِكُ وَلا أَمْلِكُ

It means, “O Allah! This is my distribution in what I can control. Please do not put me to account for what You control, but I do not.”

To encourage and teach his companions, he said in a Hadeeth, reported by Imam Al-Tirmizhi:

مَنْ كَانَ لَهُ امْرَأَتَانِ يَمِيلُ لإِحْدَاهُمَا عَلَى الأُخْرَى جَاءَ يَوْمَ القِيَامَةِ أَحَدُ شَقَّيْهِ مَائِلٌ

It means, “Whoever has two wives and he prefers one more than the other in his dealing with them, he will come on the Day of Judgement and a half of his body will be slanted.”

For those practising polygamy, ensure to be fair between your wives. For those who are not practising polygamy, please don’t cheat on your single wives. Let your secretary be your secretary, your colleague should remain as your colleague, and your business partner is not your second wife, until you are brave enough to declare that, legally.

Now, let me share with you, the ‘One Dinar Story’.

The One Dinar Story

Sayyidatuna Aishah radhiya Allahu ‘anha, wanted the Prophet salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, to declare in front of all his wives that he loved her the most.

He gave her a golden coin (Dinar) and said to her, “Tomorrow, I will say in front of everybody, that the one I love most among you, is the one I gave a golden coin last night.”

He then left, and tour on all his other wives and gave them a golden coin each (without telling them anything).

The next day, he gathered all his wives, and said, “Whoever I gave a golden coin last night, is the one I love most.”

Sayyidatuna Aishah excitingly opened her palm to show that she had won the heart of the Prophet over all his other wives, only to find all the other wives had opened their palms showing their golden coins, too.

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The Prophet, the Hygienic Husband

Marriage life consists of two halves (males and female(s), in which each one completes the other. They should remain attractive to one another, for that relationship to be celebrated for long. Thus, the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, groomed himself, hygienically, for his wife’s pleasure. In other words, , taking care of one's hygiene means a ‘great deal' in making a marriage life worth longing for.

The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, is our role model in hygiene. He ensured that he used his ‘siwak’ (chewing stick) before entering the house, so to avoid any bad smell, been smelt from him. He wore perfume at all times, although his natural sweat smelt perfume. Shouldn’t we learn from what he did, to teach us, when he himself, didn’t need it? He also advised us to ensure our nails are always clipped and clean; our hair and beard are neat and combed; and even the unseen corners of our bodies are equally taking care of. SubhanAllah!

Sayyidatuna Aishah radhiya Allahu ‘anha said in a Hadeeth, narrated by Imam Muslim:

كَأَنِّي أَنْظُرُ إِلَى وَبِيضِ المِسْكِ فِي مَفْرَقِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ وَهُوَ مُحْرِمٌ

It means, “It is as if I am looking at the glitter of Musk (perfume) in the part of the Prophet’s hair while he was Muhrim.”

Typically, Islam is the only religion which emphasized on hygiene, more than any religion has ever done. A good example is that, a Muslim is expected to clean himself relatively five times, daily. A Muslim has to be cautious when they are in the restroom. They must ensure cleanliness on their clothing (almost) at all times. If this really the case, and it is, we have no excuse that Muslim communities are the dirtiest communities, in the world (I claim).

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The Prophet, the Patient Husband

It’s difficult to find a husband who can practice patience, while preserving fairness and firmness, as the Prophet did. Sayyiduna Anas Bin Malik, radhiya Allahu Anhu, said, in a Hadeeth, reported by Imam Al-Bukhari:

“While the Prophet was in the house of one of his wives, one from among the believers sent a meal in a dish. The wife at whose house the Prophet was, struck the hand of the servant, causing the dish to fall and break. The Prophet gathered the broken pieces of the dish and then started collecting on them the food which had been in the dish and said, “Your mother felt jealous.” Then he detained the servant till a (sound) dish was brought from the wife at whose house he was. He gave the good dish to the wife whose dish had been broken, and kept the broken one at the house where it had been broken.”

Despite the fact that his patience had been tested many times, it had always been reported that he remained patient unless the right of Allah is abused.

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The Prophet, the Contented Husband

The beautiful manners of his wife covers her bad ones

Most men fail to realize the beauty or attractions, which their wives possess. And they wrongly set their gaze on women who dress immodestly, be it in the street, or on the screen (i.e., TV and internet). No doubt, the one who constantly sets his gaze at women (other than his legal wife) will forget the attractions that his queen (legal wife) possesses. Such beauties can be easily seen through looking at the good manners of one's wife.

The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, said in a Hadeeth, reported by Imam Muslim:

لاَ يَفْرِكُ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمَنَةً، إِنْ كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقاً رَضِيَ مِنْهَا آخَرَ

It means, “A male believer should not shun a female believer. If he hates one manner from her, he should accept other.”

It’s also important for men to consciously remember, not to compare their wives with other women, just like they are not supposed to compare their children with other children. Comparing between women (or men) happen before marriage, during the period of searching for the right life partner. No matter how good your life partner may be, they are not perfect. They have defects. So comparing them with others doesn’t do but harm.

This is not a ticket for the wife, to show her “true colours” and abuse her husband. It's rather to draw the attention of men to the fact that, since men are not perfect, so are not, women. So, no man should expect perfection from his wife.

In order to allow his wife’s beautiful manners to intercede for the bad ones, the Prophet knew her feelings, well.

He knew his wife's feelings well

Also, this is where some men fail to understand their wives. When communication goes missing between the couple, they fail to understand one another.

And because communication constantly took place between the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, and his wives. The Prophet was able to know the situation, in which his wives expressed their feelings. He also differentiated their anger from their pleasure.

This is what we understand in the Hadeeth reported by Imam Muslim, in which the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, said to Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha:

إِنِّى لأَعْلَمُ إِذَا كُنْتِ عَنِّي رَاضِيَةً وَإِذَا كُنْتِ عَنِّي غَضْبَى. أَمَّا إِذَا كُنْتِ عَنِّي رَاضِيَةً فَإِنَّكِ تَقُولِينَ: لا وَرَبِّ مُحَمَّدٍ. وَإِذَا كُنْتِ عَنِّي غَضْبَى قُلْتِ: لا وَرَبِّ إِبْرَاهِيمَ

It means, “I know when you are pleased with me from when you are angry with me. When you are pleased with me, you say, “No! By the God of Mohammad”. And when you are angry with me you say, “No! By the God of Ibrahim.”

The Prophet also knew how to entertain his wife, when she became angry.

He accepted and entertained his wife's anger

It's known that the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam,  had never set his hands on any of his wives, to beat her. This is what Sayyidatuna Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, said in the Hadeeth reported by Imam Al-Nasaai:

مَا ضَرَبَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ امْرَأَةً لَهُ قَطُّ

It means, “The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, never beat any of his wives.”

No one expects a marriage life without hiccups. Misunderstanding will surely arise once in a while. In fact, that happens when there’s communication in the house. It's however, expected that the moments after each disagreement and quarrel should be one of the sweetest in the marriage life.

He didn't avoid his wife during her menses

Women are (human) beings, which are created in contrary to the nature, in which men are created. They are physically and emotionally different. One example is that, they encounter menstruation period estimated to be once a month. However, in Africa (as well as it is also practised in other cultures and communities, I believe), until not a long time ago, when a woman is in her menstruation, her husband, avoids her, to the extent that, even her food is not eaten, if she cooks. She is seen in such situation as in dirty state.

This happened some time, not long ago. Perhaps, it’s still happening today. And that was how some men behaved towards their wives. But what did the Prophet do to his wives, 1400 years ago, when they were in their menstruation?

Sayyidatuna Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, said in a Hadeeth reported by Imam Muslim:

كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَتَّكِئُ فِي حِجْرِي وَأَنَا حَائِضٌ

It means, “The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, would recline in my lap when I was menstruating.”

Also, Sayyidatuna Maimunah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, said in a Hadeeth, reported by Imam Al-Bukhari:

كَانَ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُبَاشِرُ نِسَاءَهُ فَوْقَ الإِزَارِ، وَهُنَّ حُيَّضٌ

It means, “The Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, fondled his wives on the Izar (piece of clothing they wore) when they had their menses.”

Today, women use pats during their menstruation, and that replaces the Izar.

The only thing a married couple can't do, is having direct sex, when the wife is having her menses. But anything other than that is permissible. She is not therefore, avoidable in that state, so long as hygiene is well observed. In fact, she needs emotional support at that time, due the stress she experiences.

He respected his wife's hobbies and interests and welcomed her friends

Men naturally, can be addicted to their hobbies and interests, especially if they are soccer fans or riders. As a result, they can spend long time on it, in a way that may affect their marriage relation. In the contrary, they may find it difficult to entertain their wives, and create room for them, to practice their hobbies and interests. This is also true when it comes to meeting their friends.

The Prophet, our role model, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, however, did not neglect his wife's need to practise her hobbies and interests.

Sayyidatuna Aishah, radhiya Allahu ‘anha, said in Imam Al-Bukhari's Al-Adab Al-Mufrad:

كُنْتُ أَلْعَبُ بِالبَنَاتِ عِنْدَ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، وَكَانَ لِي صَوَاحِبُ يَلْعَبْنَ مَعِي. فَكَانَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذَا دَخَلَ يَنْقَمِعْنَ مِنْهُ، فَيُسَرُّ بِـهِنَّ، فَيَلْعَبْنَ مَعِي

It means, “I used to play with dolls after I got married to the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, and I had friends who used to play with me. When the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, entered while we were playing, they hid. So he became pleased with them, and they continued to play with me.”

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Conclusion

The marriage life of the Prohet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, although it was a life lived by the Perfect human, it was a life that was lived in a way that any ordinary human being can live and appreciate. The difference is the objective we set in our marriage lives and the level of commitment, to which we devote our marriage lives for.

In learning how ‘husbandly’ the Prophet was, we are actually defining how a husband should be, and not to what extent the husbandhood the Prophet has reached. All husbands have to  learn from the Prophet, especially that he is the ultimate role model for every Muslim.

The qualities indicated in this article are just a few, out of many, which the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasalam, possessed and demonstrated. Anyone who strives to achieve just those mentioned in this article will be regarded as “perfect” in his surrounding, by his surrounding. This will be in line with the Prophetic saying (narrated by Sayyidatina Aishah and reported by Imam Tirzhi and Ibn Majah):

خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي

It means, “The best of you is the one regarded as the best to his household, and I am the best amongst you, to my household.”

My next article will – in shaa Allah – be “The Prophet, The Father”. Stay tuned, and kindly remember to LIKE and SHARE this, for the little benefit to keep on moving around. Remember to tag your loved ones, especially the husbands among them.

Allah knows best.

Allahu Hafiz 🙂

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