When Can a Muslim Marry a non-Muslimah?

Outline

Introduction

Alhamdulillah; all praise and thanks are due to Allah, Who has  created for us, from among ourselves spouses, so that we might find tranquillity in each other, and Who has created between us (and our spouses) affection and kindness. No god but Allah. We seek His Forgiveness at all times; and to Him alone we repent. May His Peace and Blessings be upon the best person who has ever practised love and shown affection; Habibi Muhammad, His household, his companions and all those who follow his guided path, till the Day of Judgement.

The number of Muslim men marrying non-Muslim women in modern days is on the rise. This claim is not based on academic research. It’s rather based on the questions I receive, as it’s also based on various search engine terms that are directed to this weblog, GSalam.Net. Obviously, some cases are religiously guided, but unfortunately, some cases are not. This article, therefore, comes to discuss the possibility and validity of Muslim men marrying non-Muslim women, based on Islamic teachings.

This article is meant to discuss interfaith marriage(s). Therefore, marriages between non-Islamic faiths will not be discussed in this article, i.e. marriages between Christians and Jews, between Buddhist and Christians, or between Hindus and Jews. The article only looks into marriage(s) between Muslims (on one hand) and non-Muslims from all kinds of religions (on the other hand).

Before we move on to talking, on when and how a Muslim man can marry a non-Muslimah, it’s important that we take a close look at who is a ‘Muslim’ and who is not.

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Who is a “Muslim” and Who is not?

In this article (based on fundamental Islamic belief), a “Muslim” is anyone who believes in the oneness of God and the Prophethood of Muhammad, and as a result, s/he adheres to the teachings of Islam, unconditionally.

In the contrary, a “non-Muslim” is anyone who believes contrarily to what a Muslim should fundamentally believe in. A “non-Muslim” may believe in polytheism, whereby, in addition to the belief in God, s/he also claims (as in believing that) God has partners or children for Himself. A “non-Muslim” as a result of the above, does not practise the teachings of Allah, as perceived in the Islamic perspective.

Non-Muslims are, however, categorized into two categories:

1. People of the book; and
2. Polytheists (Idolaters)

“People of the book” or “Ahlul-Kitaab” are followers of true messengers of God, who were chosen and given revelation, and were sent as messengers to their people, before the Prophet Muhammad, i.e., Musa (Moses), ‘Isa (Jesus) and others, but they have refused to accept and believe in the Prophet Muhammad as a prophet. Examples of people of the book, today, are Christians and Jews.

Polytheist or idolaters are people who claim partners or children for God, and/or worship other creatures instead of Allah, as a result. Idolaters may worship the sun, the moon, nature, animals, rocks and others. This is although they do/may believe in the existence of God. An idolater is called “Mushrik” in Islamic and Arabic context.

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Can a Muslim Man Marry a non-Muslim Woman?

Generally, Islam does not permit Muslims, men and women alike, to marry non-Muslims. “Non-Muslim” here refers to idolater, whom in their religion, they associate others with Allah (commit shirk). This is understood in Allah’s command, in Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:221:

وَلَا تَنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنَّ، وَلَأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ، وَلَا تُنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا، وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ

It means, “And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you.”

A believing slave who believes in the oneness of Allah is privileged over a very wealthy, beautiful, and charming non-believer, or who does not believe in the oneness of Allah.

In other words, the one who is rightly connected to Allah, is better for us, than the one connects to Him in the wrong way.

We know that Christians claim son for God; and that is part of polytheism. Some have even gone to the extent, that they claim that Sayyidatuna Maryam (Mary) is also god. In fact, trinity is a form of polytheism (shirk).

Based on the above, Muslims are generally not permitted to marry non-Muslims. However, there’s an exception.

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The Exception

The exception is that, Muslim men can marry women of ‘people of the book’ (Ahlul-Kitaab), provided that they (women of the ‘people of the book’) possess chastity. This exception comes from the Qur'an, in Surah Al-Maidah, 5:5, where Allah says:

الْيَوْمَ أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ الطَّيِّبَاتُ وَطَعَامُ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ حِلٌّ لَّكُمْ وَطَعَامُكُمْ حِلٌّ لَّهُمْ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ إِذَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلَا مُتَّخِذِي أَخْدَانٍ

It means, “Today, all good things have been made lawful to you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful to you, and your food is lawful to them. The chaste believing women and the chaste women of the people who were given the Book before you, are lawful to you, provided that you give them their dowers, and marry them, neither committing fornication nor taking them as mistresses.

The verse clearly gives exception to Muslim men to marry Christian or Jewish women, but with condition. What is the condition?

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Who among non-Muslim Women Can a Muslim Marry?

The condition given to Muslim men to fulfil, before they can get married to non-Muslim women (from the people of the book) is that, they (the women) should have chastity (purity and innocence).

So, if a Christian or Jewish woman, with whom a Muslim man desires to get married, is known for lacking chastity, that woman is islamically unqualified to be married by a Muslim man.

If she’s known to be pure and a true Christian or Jew, and she knows what Christianity or Judaism is all about, then they qualify for marriage to a Muslim man.

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But Wait for a Moment!

But, before one of us commits to marriage with a Christian or Jewish lady, let us show some sense of care and responsibility towards our own Muslim sisters and daughters.

It's known today, that women outnumber men. This is across the board, in all communities and societies. Also, in addition to the fact, that many Muslim men are refraining from polygamy, significant number of Muslim men is turning towards marrying non-Muslim ladies. As this continues, who are we leaving our sisters and daughter behind, to marry?

Some of us may argue that, it's their personal right to marry whom they desire, as long as it falls within the Islamic framework, but to them I would say, when your own sister or daughter is ignored in favour of non-Muslim women, your stand will change. We don’t have to wait for our turn before we feel the suffering and the struggles of our sisters.

This is a concern for those who have one sister and/or one daughter. What will be the case, then, for those with multiple numbers of sisters and daughters?

Before we think of our desire, let us practice our desire in a way that will entitle us for multiple rewards at a time; marriage and rightly taking someone (a Muslimah) out of single hood.

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Disadvantages of Marrying a non-Muslim Woman

Here, I’m discussing some of the disadvantages of marrying non-Muslim women. This is not to go against the flexibility given by Allah s.w.t. to Muslim men, Astaghfirullah! But, it’s meant to draw our attention to the future, which may come very soon.

It’s known that, when one intends to get married, he’s not encouraged to marry just any Muslimah, but the good and authentically religious Muslimah. The implication of that, is far beyond just satisfying one’s sexual desire, and fulfilling the search for beauty, wealth and worldly recognition. The implication extends to the children and the future ahead of them, and their sense of belonging, as well as their pride of their Islamic and social identity.

If Muslim parents have difficulties in bringing up their children islamically, due to the unavoidable challenges surrounding us today, I wonder how easy it can be for a family, in which one of the parents is a Muslim and the other is a non-Muslim.

Men don’t (perhaps they can’t) bring up children alone, but women can (mostly) bring up children alone. It’s however the best, when both parents involve in the upbringing of the children in the house/family.

When one decides and goes for a Christian or Jewish wife, should any misunderstanding occur in future – God forbidding, the lady (as well as any woman based on contemporary civil laws) has the right of the children over the man. What will guarantee that, the children will not be turned into non-Muslims? In fact, there are real cases in which the children have lost their Islamic religion to Christianity or to other religions.

On this basis, although it’s allowed and permissible for Muslim men to marry  Christian or Jew women, it’s highly not advisable to do so. With exception of what some may perceive as personal interests (worldly gains), there’s nothing that non-Muslim women possess which can attract men (for marriage) that Muslim women do not possess. On top of that, (truly) Muslim women are spiritually connected with Allah, through their obedience to Him.

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Can a Muslim Man Force his non-Muslim Wife to Accept Islam?

No! That is the shortest answer for that long question.

Islam has given every human being the right of choice, when it comes to religion. Once one is not a Muslim, they have the right to choose to embrace Islam (which is surely for their good) or to remain in their religion. But once the person embraces Islam, they have to live within the household (framework) of Islam by showing full submission to Allah and abiding by the rules of Islam.

If a Muslim man who has married a non-Muslimah is honest and sincere to his religion, the likelihood is that, the wife will accept Islam, sooner or later. If she doesn’t, the husband can’t force her to do so. Allah says in Surah Al-Baqarah, 2: 256:

لَا إِكْرَاهَ فِي الدِّينِ، قَد تَّبَيَّنَ الرُّشْدُ مِنَ الْغَيِّ، فَمَن يَكْفُرْ بِالطَّاغُوتِ وَيُؤْمِن بِاللَّـهِ فَقَدِ اسْتَمْسَكَ بِالْعُرْوَةِ الْوُثْقَى لَا انفِصَامَ لَهَا

It mean, “There shall be no compulsion in religion: true guidance has become distinct from error. But whoever refuses to be led by Satan and believes in Allah has grasped the strong handhold that will never break.”

If we can’t call to Islam by our actions, force will not be effective.

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Let's Separate Between Marriage and Da'awah

The term “Da’awah” is an Arabic word but Islamic terminology which is used to mean “inviting non-Muslims into embracing Islam (willingly). Every Muslim is encouraged to invite non-Muslims to Islam, through their possible means; by word and/or by good and positive social conduct.

Inviting others to Islam is our duty, but we are not responsible for the respondents accepting Islam or rejecting it. They are responsible for their decision (to accept or to reject). So, there’s no need for us to consider marrying a woman, in the hope that she’ll accept Islam. What if she never accepts Islam after the marriage?

But when it comes to marriage, a man or a woman is full responsible to find the right spouse for him/herself. This responsibility extends to our responsibility in taking care of the spouse and the children who we will make in future with them.

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Conclusion

Living Islam means total submission and obedience. This principle contradicts with opting to follow one’s desire or “logic”.

That’s why the Prophet, salla Allahu ‘alaihi wasallam, who we strive to replicate his life in our lives (by following his sunnah) was taught to teach us:

قُلْ إِنَّ صَلَاتِي وَنُسُكِي وَمَحْيَايَ وَمَمَاتِي لِلَّـهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ * لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ، وَبِذَلِكَ أُمِرْتُ وَأَنَا أَوَّلُ الْمُسْلِمِينَ

It means, “Say, “Indeed, my prayer, my rites of sacrifice, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds. No partner has He. And this I have been commanded, and I am the first [among you] of the Muslims.” [Surah Al-An’aam, 6:162-163]

This tells us, that sometimes, when we, as Muslims carry out deeds, it’s not about our rights or “logics”. It’s rather about Allah’s Ultimate Pleasure. And this is what distinguishes a Muslim from a non-Muslim.

In fact, Allah has promised upon Himself, to grant His servants their “rights” if they please Him according to His instructions.

فَمَن كَانَ يَرْجُو لِقَاءَ رَبِّهِ فَلْيَعْمَلْ عَمَلًا صَالِحًا وَلَا يُشْرِكْ بِعِبَادَةِ رَبِّهِ أَحَدًا

It means, “So whoever would hope for the meeting with his Lord – let him do righteous work and not associate in the worship of his Lord anyone.” [Surah Al-Kahf, 18:110]

If we have not associated idols with Allah in worship, let us not associate our desires with Him. It doesn’t worth it.

If you have read this article to this point, kindly share with us your thoughts, experiences or stories in the comment area below, so we can learn from each other. You may also consider sharing it (by clicking on the like button below), so others too can benefit.

Allah knows best.

Allahu Hafiz 🙂

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